`tHe NeVeReNdInG fAiRyTaLe~hApPiLy EvEr AfTeR iS nOt ThAt FaR iS iT?` RyAn & MiNdY

Saturday, December 17, 2005
3:53 PM

~a brand new start 2 2006..~

Yesterday was rather eventful. I broke my own record by staying awake 4 37.5 hrs fr thu 4pm 2 sat 530am. Normally dis crazy gal wouldn't b able 2 tahan 24 hrs w/o sleep but i guess i just wanted 2 try 2 push my limit. Quite fun actually.

Yesterday met up wif guolin n tommy at katong sc after sch ard 530 . d 2 guys stil don't seem 2 change much fr jc, stil s jovial s ever. They were screaming their voices out at teo heng ktv. This mouse could barely muster a squeak but she stil sang a few songs 4 fun n 2 take over fr tommy whose voice had become hoarse. At 6 we went to ve Katong laksa 4 dinner b4 heading out 2 meet guolin's cell group frens (Jeremy, Hui Zi, Hui Ling) n tommy's fren (Dennis) at Paya Lebar. Went 2 attend Guolin's cell gp meeting at his gp member's hm. Got 2 no some ppl unfortunately my short term memory not wking v well. I only rem d leader of dat meeting was Patricia n we had fun singing christmas carols after an icebreaker game n sum serious hymn singing n going thru sum verses in d bible. All i knew was i was trying hard 2 keep awake during all dis time. We had pizza n this greedy girl had 3 slices. Bloated s hell n she made a remark dat she'll tabao d remaining pizza. (d fate of d pizza? Got left at TM mac's. look like idiots carrying dis big box everywhere) N ppl really took her words. Anyway, she broke a chair coz she was 2 HEAVY.

Actually 1 2 go out cheong 1 but guolin wore bermudas n sandals so d plan was called off. Den 1 2 go sit down chat chat den kana dua by guolin den tommy. So left only dennis n I who were stil not in d mood 2 sleep or go hm. We went 2 catch Perhaps Love at 1240am. reached hm ard 6am n went str 2 sleep...

Didn't regret watching dis show coz it was excellent. Sort of stirred up those emotions I had when i was in love n out of it. Basically these 2 main characters Jian Dong (played by who else but d droolworthy Jin Chen Wu) n Sun Na (played by Zhou Xun) were lovers before both of them got famous as actors. However, due 2 d ambitions of Sun Na 2 become a top actress, she chose 2 gave up his love 2 pursue her aspirations. Along the way, Sun Na forsaked her dignity sleeping around wif any1 who would give her a chance to act in movies n yet Jian Dong forgave her repeatedly n waited 4 her 2 come back 2 him each time. It was not meant 2 b when she didn't return for more than 10 yrs for a stretch. d 2 former lovers met s actors in director Nie Wen's (Sun Na's new lover) movie when Jian Dong chose this particular assignment 2 c Sun Na again. It was heartwrenching 2 hear Jian Dong's thgts on d recorder where he returned each time 2 d hm they used 2 stay 2gether when they were both poor. I think in real life it wld b near impossible 2 find a guy who wld love a girl so madly n wait 4 her 4 such a long time. The scene where Nie Wen mentioned that slapping 1's partner was giving up d right 2 love d person tugged at my heart. I recalled similar incidents when i did that 2 ws. It was more of disappointment n anger when i did that. D pain in ur heart is beyond description when u choose 2 lash out in dis violent way. The parallel between reel n real life in d movie was unmistakable. However, d ending was different in that it was not d typical boy n girl got 2gether. I think d part where Sun Na played d recording which Jian Dong left behind after they got back 2gether left a great impression. In it he says 2 Sun Na: "U make me love the person I despise d most n I despise myself for that. U make me hate myself. " If u ve true feelings 4 sum1 n they betray u or let u down, this love can turn in2 an intense hatred. It's not ez 2 4give when some1 disappoints or inflicts pain on u n u love dis person very much. It's not hard 2 c y u wld 1 2 seek revenge by hurting this person back 2 reduce ur pain yet it actually inflicts more pain when u do that. Love contradicts. We wld like 2 tink of love s a positive wonderful thing yet in actual fact it can bring out d worst in ppl. In real life, love is a cheap commodity. D increasing nos. of ONS, sweet nothings whispered by men 2 get women 2 give up their bodies 2 them, infidelity n choosing 2 give up relationships instead of wking them out just goes 2 show that love has no place nor value anymore. Society views sex s more impt over love n I'm sure that's a bad ting. I can't help not believing in love coz it doesn't seem 2 exist anymore.

2 sw who mentioned that he'll love me n take care of me, pls eat ur words. After 1+ weeks of being 2gether u changed ur attitude n just wldn't care anymore. Y did u choose 2 do dis when I've fallen in love wif u? I feel dat being alone is much preferred 2 being wif u. Ur apathy 2wards me hurts d most compared 2 being cheated on. I can't bring myself 2 hate u. I learnt 1 ting: that there r many guys like u out there who toy wif girls' feelings. U make me c dat there's no such ting s true love coz it doesn't exist when u ppl treat love s a game. I 1 2 4get d way u hold me in ur arms n everyting u've said coz it doesn't mean a ting 2 u. U've never loved me fr d beginning n all that elaborate show u've put up disgusts me. d wierdest ting is I can't get u out of my mind. i've learnt my lesson dat I shldn't ve fallen in love wif jerks at all, esp when they try 2 touch u wif their honey coated language 2 pursue u like a prey. I wish I can hate u so I'll feel much better.

imlost...
inafairytale