`tHe NeVeReNdInG fAiRyTaLe~hApPiLy EvEr AfTeR iS nOt ThAt FaR iS iT?` RyAn & MiNdY

Sunday, December 25, 2005
4:48 AM

~x'mas eve~

2day i spent d whole day outside hm.. Met elisa at 3pm bugis mrt station. We had lunch at swenson's at bugis junction. I had dis amazing sambal chilli salmon which filled me up quite nicely while elisa had fish n chips. We took some neoprints n dis couple in front of us were so engrossed in their PDA until they didn't no it was their turn n i had 2 tell them..

After dat we went bugis village 2 get d pressies n i managed 2 buy 2 skirts 4 myself. One was dis asymmetrical purple skirt which i wore in place of my maroon miniskirt which kept riding up my waist n another was this double tiered knee length skirt wif little flowers. After elisa n i had gotten our stuf we went TM to get another gift. We had a pack of large fries at mac's n sum drinks.

I met S after that to pass him his bday present so he suggested heading 2 his hm where he'll take a shower den we'll take d bus 2gether 2 go 2 our respective destination. I was surprised he stayed in sum pte housing coz i told him i wld wait 4 him at d void deck of his hm n he replied dat he doesn't stay in hdb flat n dat i looked down on him. But seriously i prefer guys who stay in hdb flats. They r sort of more grounded n down 2 earth compared 2 those rich families' sons. Definitely less spoilt which is more appealing. I kind of dislike rich ppl coz 99.9% of d time they got this fucked up snobbish attitude.

Dat guy kept asking me 4 a relationship even thgh i made it clear dat i wasn't interested. i think it was abt 2 weeks of incessant asking over msn n then today face 2 face which he did d 2nd time. I don't understand y we can't remain s frens. i thgt he was an alright guy but den wat he did 2day made me realise he's a fucking petty juvenile who may b older than me but immature in mentality. I got kinda fed up at one point while we were on d way 2 his hm near dis playground n i just retorted," I don't 1 2 b attached coz i enjoy being single n going out wif different guys every nite." That ass just stopped there n we ended up like arguing. N urs truly got really pissed when he said he looked down on girls like dat. Is he fucking stupid or wat? Any normal person can c i was using that s a lame excuse 2 get away fr d "Can u b my gf" crap. N he told urs truly to just walk by herself straight up ahead n make a turn 2 d bus stop. At least he cld ve walked me 2 d bus stop 2 show he was gentlemanly or sumting. But he didn't n said no 1 wld b stopping u fr leaving. FUCK dat idiot. Childish kid. I've never felt so insulted in my life.

So she made her way 2 meet alan, keng chong n d others 4 robin's bday at east coast park. She met andy whom she hadn't met 4 a long time n he seemed 2 b getting on well which was great. I sort of mistaken robin 2 b d other younger robin who used 2 wk at hyper station but they didn't mention in d 1st place, mayb they thgt i knew him. He's quite a tall interesting guy n he invited me 2 drink which i drank only slightly less than half a mug. Got a headache which lasted 4 a few hrs after that. N alan kept drinking on my behalf until he puked. Kind of felt extremely guilty. she shld ve stopped alan fr drnking when his face was flushed even thgh he replied that he was ok when i asked him. Sm jason also drank on my behalf. Funny ting is robin mistook alan 2 b pursuing me which i had 2 explain 2 him dat it was not d case. (just coz i lent my shoulder 4 alan 2 lie on in Celine's car) Robin also drank like crazy n ended up we've drunk ppl everywhere. didn't really no wat 2 do in dis kind of situation. Took a while b4 we all went hm n i left my pressies n my clothes on celine's car. Guess i was getting old.

2day i was thinkin: y my blog so empty? gee, i'm such a tech idiot. plus i dun ve a digital cam 2 take self pics. actually i love taking pics 4 ppl. besides wif dis new scanner i've no idea how 2 scan pics even if i've any. Plus hw 2 upload d pics on2 dis blog thing?! Actually i just ve dis online diary ting 2 record my thgts. I threw all my diaries coz pa wldn't stop going thru my things n i dun feel comfortable letting him no wat i'm doing outside or wat i'm tinking. Althgh pa noes i'm not exactly a gd girl, I dun 1 him 2 no who i really m. I'm afraid of my failing memories. I guess everyting which has happened in my 22 yrs of existence has become blurred n i dun seem 2 rem details anymore. So i thgt i better keep dis habit of writing my diary again.

Talking abt love. I find it irritating when ppl u dun like just like u n wldn't get d hint when u do not reply their smses or calls n yet they wun give up. It's absolutely annoying. I sort of give up on sw coz he made it clear 2 me dat he doesn't ve any more feelings. U can't force such things. don't like is don't like. which leads me 2 ask myself whether i've ever loved any1 b4. I guess mayb not. How is it dat i can get in2 relationships so easily when 1 has ended? always felt i needed sum1 2 b there 4 me or else i'll feel empty. But now i realise being single is gd 2. U've more time 2 urself n u dun ve 2 ans 2 any1. Actually, i guess i never like 2 ans 2 any1. I like 2 do my own things s n when i like it. Probably wilful in a way.

I don't need a man 2 complete me. I need 2 build up my self esteem n love myself more instead of just settling 4 ah beng guys who dun suit me. I'm tired n weary of relationships which wun last. D whole rebel thing makes me sick of myself. Mayb guys just pick up on those lonely vibes i give. If i'm confident, they probably wun trick me in2 being wif them perhaps. I feel like a hunted prey sumtimes n i really ve no idea when a guy is sincere. When they r pursuing u, they'll make themselves appear 2 b d most 1derful guy on earth. N stuf like i'll love u n look after u? I'll b faithful 2 u? all a whole load of bullshit. I 1 2 make sure d next guy i'm wif will b my husband n not ve sum stupid relationship which last 4 a mth. there's no point in it. I'd rather b single my entire life than 2 fall in n out of love all d time. sort of become numb n emotionless now. probably will b a lesbian if a girl takes a fancy 2 me which i haven't had d chance yet. Men? I dun understand them n i don't 1 2 love them anymore.

imlost...
inafairytale