`tHe NeVeReNdInG fAiRyTaLe~hApPiLy EvEr AfTeR iS nOt ThAt FaR iS iT?` RyAn & MiNdY

Friday, February 03, 2006
2:16 AM

~playing catchup~

28/1 (sat)
Sorry dear dear made u wait almost 40 min outside my hm door. Coz pa at hm den he sat always kao bei so aked u 2 stay outside. Den went shopping wif dear dear 2 bugis 2 buy CNY clothes.. Got a lavender dress n a white mini cardi fr bugis village. After dat went to cathay cineleisure 2 get a nude halter n a long necklace.bought matching hp straps n 2 furry pens 2. waited 4 dear dear's ma 2 finish wk at paragon den went wif his parents 2 go take mrt 2 bukit batok. on d way 2 mrt, dis mood swing gal started 2 give attitude 2 dear dear again. den ignored him all d way on d long trip.

During d trip i forced myself 2 not speak 2 u at all coz i 1ed u 2 give up on me. Sum stupid ting 2 do. den when u started sniffing i told myself 2 pretend dat my heart was completely cold n dat i don't give a damn abt u anymore. i 1ed u 2 hate me so it'll b ezier 4 u 2 give up on me. D trip seemed like an eternity. U tried tokking 2 me but i just looked at u s if i cldn't care less. I felt bery upset but i just felt i had 2 do wat i did at dat time.

When we reached ur relative's place i just cldn't keep up wif d act anymore. N up we picked fd 4 each other anymore. Halfway when ur nose just started bleeding during d meal, my heart got heavy n just sank s if a huge wt was placed on it. I cldn't describe hw guilty n horrible i feel. I didn't 1 2 pretend dat i dun care abt u anymore. I no hw hurt n disappointed u felt n dat anger u've in ur eyes when u looked at me during d mrt trip was unbearable. I juz 1ed 2 conceal hw vulnerable i was by putting on dat brave front in front of u.

After d dinner, went over ur place 2 rest 4 awhile.. Quite exhausted fr doing all dat shopping n up slept on d cab on d way back. Rested 4 awhile at ur place b4 we went 2 watch Fearless wif Jason n Keng Chong. D show was fantastic. Later walked 2 ur hm n on d way we tokked abt d crappy day n u stil seemed v stressed up. I'm sorry 2 make u so agitated n wked up.. N u said i was d 1st 2 make u so upset in ur life. I don't 1 2 do anyting 2 hurt u again. In a way, this incident make me more determined 2 make our r/s wk coz i can't n will not 4give myself if i cause u pain again.

29/1 (sun)
Went visiting at 2 homes.N 1 of my aunt said i put on a little wt n i looked different fr last yr but she cldn't say wat it was. dopez. being weight-conscious n vain, i did take offence at d PUT ON WT tingie. After visiting, went over dear dear's hm 2 accompany him.

30/1 (mon)
Went 2 visit grand aunt.. v sad 2 c her back bent almost double coz of oestoporosis n becoming senile. She looked after me when i was a sm kid n we tokked 4 awhile. Gd ppl always suffer. It just aint fair when d gd doesn't get any repayment 4 their gd deeds while those evil ppl nv suffer retribution.. Had lunch there n fell asleep n woke up twice. Becoming like peeg liow. Plus keep having interrupted sleep so bobian also. Another relative said i put on weight again. Haiz. This leads me 2 b more determined in dieting 2 get back 2 my trim figure. but if i continue wking, it's so cold n i always get hungry. guess i'm destinied 2 b a FAT girl all my life. Went hm 2 bathe b4 taking a cab 2 dear dear's hm. Meanwhile he played cards wif his pa's colleagues while i listenrd 2 music n read my mag in his room. We had dinner wif jason at Long John At TM b4 we headed hm coz dear dear wasn't feeling well n had a fever.

31/1 (Tue)
Dear dear's fever got worse. actually he 1ed me 2 go visiting in d morning but i didn't 1 2 go. Ma said she wld go visiting alone if i 1ed 2 b a nurse n Pa said it wasn't my business dat he was sick. Seriously, i cldn't care if they unhappy wif me lorz since i hardly listen 2 them anyway n 2 me, my bf is above evry1 else including my family (Sorry 2 my frens this doesn't mean u all r unimpt 2 me just dat i'm closer 2 my bf). Paisay dear dear i dunno hw 2 take care of u properly. took a nap 2gether in d afternoon. Watched Garfield on SCV til 10+pm b4 going 2 d clinic. Waited an hr 4 u 2 sleep b4 i cld rest but 2 tired 2 take out my contacts which leaves me 2...

1/2(Wed)
Ve sore painful teary eyes AGAIN dis morning. Went hm after taking out my left contact len den prepare 2 go 2 wk. Whole day fr 12 2 6pm kept tearing n d national players n customers all thgt i crying.. Yes i was crying but i wasn't upset. Hakim was saying dat d customers seem 2 flirt wif me when i took over his shift. geez. watever la, juz entertain them by conversing wif them lor. Had 2 4go guolin's bday celebration coz feeling quite terrible n both eyes can't open properly n keep 1ing 2 close :( Went hm 2 rest instead. Dear dear's fever went up again n he had 2 visit d doc at abt 0045.

2/2(Thu)
Visited dear dear n it seems he's much better. Ended up watching MTV den took a short nap b4 going off 2 wk at 6pm again. V dulan d jackpot customer. Made may n i only close d damn place at 0030. Idiot fellow, we dun get extra pay 4 doing OT lor. Geez. 2day got tournament n they only closed d tables at 2315. N up now i can't sleep coz finish wk so late.. "( sch reopen ve 2 miss a confirmed 4/8 nite classes coz 2 nites cover 4 hakim n 2 nites ve ballet classes. hai might even miss more if d week after mon, wed or thu hakim can't wk.. must on a bit read d damn textbk. At least when i wk on weekdays can read my textbk at wk lor. Hopefully dis term will b more conscientious n stop handing in assignments late. sick of not doing well juz coz i kana deducted 1.5%-10% 4 late wk.throw my marks away 4 nothing. hopefully dis term goes well wor. Sch starting n i realise i haven't really enjoyed d 3 weeks break coz i keep wking. Shld ve ard $400+ 4 dis mth but d cheque kana delayed coz accs department n may's final calculation 4 d salary doesn't tally. sickening. Grr. Yay at least i can get a new hp soon. So that's sumting 2 b happy abt.

imlost...
inafairytale