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~LyRiCaL sTaR~
Name:SnOw
Age:23
email:obsessedwithblue@hotmail.com (for msn and friendster)
Birthday:07 Nov 1983
Horoscope:Scorpio
Lurves
Darling Ryan
People who care esp my besties, gd pals, bro
being different
dreaming
Hates
Deceit
Broken promises
Hopes for
Happiness
I'll be with my darling for a lifetime
Darling will enjoy happiness, success and good health
bro and elisa get back together
happiness and good health for my family and friends
being able to smile on my birthday this year
More tangible stuff
A 2B bike license
A better digital camera *greedy peeg >.<
Sony Ericsson k800i mobile phone
Good grades for school
Pass my Advanced I ballet exam next year (with flying colors not just a pass, gee i wished for a pass in my inter exam n i got just dat. Grr)
Reach my goal of 45kg (Y does it seem so far away? Haiz.. Lack of self-ctrl.. I'll sell my soul just to be thin)
Monday, March 06, 2006
1:16 AM
~i admit i can b a bitch at times~
I guess wat made me upset today is dat it took u an entire day 2 sms me n it was 0012 on my hp. Yes 1 shldn't play stupid mind games in relationships but i guess if an entire day goes by wifout d need 4 u 2 initiate an sms or a call, i'm not dat impt 2 u after all. I start asking myself m i a fool 2 initiate smsing or calling u 95% of d time? Shld i let u take d initiative? Y do i miss sum1 who takes so long 2 respond? M i dumb 2 try 2 make u happy? All these stupid questions pop up in my mind n i don't ask 4 them 2 appear.
n y is it sumtimes when we talk on d fone i've dis feeling dat u r detached n so far away? mayb i'm being 2 sensitive but sumtimes d tone in which u speak sound so hostile or bo chup 2 me. Yes i can't read minds n i don't understand u but i tink it goes both ways. u don't really understand me either. Watever i say u just go along wif wat i say. If i say i'm not meeting u till my exams r over do u really tink i wish u 2 say, " Ok. I tink dat's a gd idea. Den u can concentrate on ur studies." Seriously when u say anyting like dis, this is wat's going thru my head: U stupid a**hole. can't u tell i'm upset? N d more u try 2 n d conversation, d more pissed i'll feel. U make me feel like i'm so annoying n irritating dat u can't wait 2 get off d fone s soon s possible.
It hurts. It sux 2 feel dat way. Now i understand y they say men r fr mars n women r fr venus. Coz men n women speak n tink differently. When a woman says, "No, i'm not angry. " That's a fucking lie. We r programmed not 2 express rage or certain emotions. I shldn't expect u 2 read my mind. All dat stupid expectations i've of u, it's not u, it's me. My perfectionist idealistic standards of my Mr Right. When d name reader said I tended 2 expect a lot fr my partner n dat i wished he was more romantic, more humorous, more caring, more sensitive, more loving 2wds me, it's true. This guy doesn't exist. There's no1 so perfect. There'll nv b sum1 like dis in reality except in my dreams. Y can't i wake up 2 my senses n c dat there'll nv b sum1 who loves me so much n b everyting i've ever wanted?
Yes i hate myself 4 not being rooted in reality. Always lost in my own world. Thinking stupid thgts which r totally redundant n making myself feel crappy all the time. Can't i just b nonchalant abt everyting den life will b much ezier 4 me 2 bear? i'll nv b happy wif any1 except wif living tings that don't talk or non-living tings like my qoo cushion. I'm better off talking to them than 2 real ppl. Mayb i shld go back 2 those days i was like dis. I'm crazy 2 prefer dat. how pathetic, i can't handle ppl who ve their own mind n own responses 2 everyting. It's wierd but i tink dat at least when i talk 2 my fish i feel it's quite comforting n i feel much better. D same goes 2 my qoo even thgh he doesn't respond like my fish do.. Mayb i shld go back 2 rearing fish. N lose my sanity when i dun ve it in d 1st place.
I feel slightly better now not s upset s when i just started on dis entry. 2 d guy who means most 2 me, I'm not gonna call or sms u s often s i used 2. i'm waiting 4 u 2 make d move. i'm sorry abt d 2 smses which sounded so hostile. if u stil can't c y i'm upset, i really dunno wat i can do 2 make tings better. mayb i'm better off communicating wif my qoo. n if u tink u r d 1 who always give in 2 me, dat's not true coz i belif actions speak louder than words n till now i'm sure it's pretty clear wat d picture is like. N i really hope i can ve a normal conversation over d fone wif u close 2 100% of d time, not me feeling irritated or stressed up s u put it 4 d reasons i've mentioned above most times. I'm sick n tired of making d 1st move, n feeling like u dun give too much a damn abt me. N d whole point of dis stupid blog entry? i leave it up 2 u 2 interpret it d way u like.
imlost...
inafairytale
