`tHe NeVeReNdInG fAiRyTaLe~hApPiLy EvEr AfTeR iS nOt ThAt FaR iS iT?` RyAn & MiNdY

Friday, March 31, 2006
4:32 PM

~Mixed Blessings~

D gd ting: i won a Fancl mild cleansing oil n facial powder. Which r juz wat i need. Ok la, i've been lucky in contests since young, so far won a soft toy duck, $20 yoshinoya fd voucher, 2 ez link cards, health guide n file holders, a necklace, Dior Poison perfume n compact case, $50 X'odus shoe voucher n whitening masks in recent yrs. Can't rem wat i won when i was a kid thgh. But ok la, i shall keep up wif sending in contest coupons. fun 2 win stuff coz it's a nice surprise 2 c a letter on ur table when u dun expect 1.

D bad ting: in d last 24hrs i've been 2 d loo 5 times. Everytime i eat sumting my stomach gets upset. mayb my body is telling me 2 stop eating? but on another hand it's not a bad ting either since not much is absorbed by d body so i wun get fat.

I read Feb's issue of OK! mag n there was dis short column where d columnist wrote abt her thgts on love. This is wat she says:

"New Age philosophy believes that we attract the perfect all the time. "Perfect" in this instance means that at a particular stage in life, there is a partner that we need to meet and get involved with to help us learn particular life lessons. We learn the most lessons when we merge with a partner because he or she is another whole being like ourselves. Whenever i find myself at the end of a relationship, i always ask myself what I learned from that person. i can then realise how perfect he was for me and how he had helped me move on to the future. Then a sense of peace will overcome me. Here is one of my favorite excerpts from a book entitled, The Share Heart:

"What we really see in our loved one - what we really are attracted to - is what we have not yet opened in ourselves. The beauty and wholeness which has always been within us we first project onto our beloved. Then we yearn to be with our beloved and enter full swing into the cosmic dance of a relationship. Finally, the dance awakens us to the remembrance of our original wholeness - and holiness. However, unless we enter fully this dance of love, we might remain in the sidelines yearning for that which we already have."

I suppose whenever we fall in love with some1, we fall in love wif the qualities which we c in our partner that we do not possess. Althgh i've learned fr my social psych module that similarity attracts whereas opposites repel, I feel that this applies only to fundamental beliefs n attitudes that we share wif our partners. Whoever had used d excuse 4 a breakup dat their character traits don't match is taking d ez way out. Opposites r complementary. For instance, if ur partner is an introvert u learn fr him how to enjoy being comfortable at hm whereas if u r an extrovert u can share the experience how going out n mixing wif ppl can b enjoyable. It's like piecing everyting in a jigsaw puzzle. U can't do wifout 1 missing piece. everyting seems 2 fit nicely n perfectly s a whole. However, differences might mean having 2 compromise wif each other. Compromising is a 2 way street. Compromising does not mean making drastic changes 2 d relationship. It's more of taking in2 acc of ur partner's feelings n making little changes which will make d relationship run smoothly. A relationship can't b built on 1 side giving in all the time while d other jus keep taking. Trying 2 change sum1 in2 d person dat 1 wants is contradictory to loving sum1 4 who they r. When we 1st met dat sum1 ever 1der y d way they smile or d way they r so passionate abt expressing their opinions r so enchanting? On d other hand, y is it dat s time goes by, their quirks n mannerisms n dat passion has become grating n irritating 2 u? Is it because both parties r weary fr trying 2 maintain their best fronts in d beginning n they cldn't continue d act anymore or is it because love is blind 2 a certain extent, once d honeymoon period is over n u understand d person better, d rose-tinted glasses is taken off n u stop idealizing him or her, d flaws become so obvious n apparent? I tink we do ve 2 accept our partners 4 who they r, but since a relationship is a dance 4 2 persons, we need 2 learn hw 2 make accomodations n adjustments so that we can make d dance better. When we tink of our partners' flaws, we've 2 take a step back n tink of our own flaws n hw they will cause an impact on our partner juz s hw their flaws ve affected us. It goes both ways. A relationship is not abt power n ctrl. It's learning 2 adapt 2 life wif another person who'll b ur soulmate, ur best fren n ur pillar of support. When we merge wif our beloved, we learn many life lessons fr them n wif them. When we try 2 change them, we've fallen in love wif d person whom we 1 them 2 b. Isn't it ironic that in d beginning we love them 4 who they r? Trying 2 change sum1 is different fr compromising n making accomodations 4 differences. We can point out our partner's flaws but don't 4get 2 emphasize their good qualities 2. No1 is perfect. We too ve qualities which our partners might not b comfortable wif n we need 2 reflect on this n understand that we've 2 take note of dat 2. otherwise d tone becomes accusatory n d partner might feel resentful or bewildered. It is essential dat we r considerate abt our partner's feelings n put across the msg we try 2 relate in a gentle manner. dun 4get dat when a person points their finger at sum1, 3 fingers point back 2 themselves. giving suggestions 2 our partner is helpful but at same time we need 2 recognise dat we ourselves r not infallible. I've always thgt dat being wif sum1 isn't ez s it entails sacrifices n comsideration 4 our partner. u hope he's happy n d best part is both of u r happy being 2gether but there r so many tings 2 take in2 acc 4 a relationship 2 wk. Fate, luck, hard wk all play a part in2 whether a relationship can last til d n or not.

Lately, I've this fear dat my relationship might not last. I love d guy I'm wif 2 bits n i can't imagine living wifout him. But d fear keeps lingering like a leech which wldn't get off its host. i don't understand dis fear n anxiety. Can a relationship survive on love alone? I do hope so. I'm trying 2 keep my optimism going..

Life can b pretty unpredictable. n dat scares me. I seem 2 b afraid of so many tings dat life throws me, but i'm trying 2 overcome this. D more afraid i m of sumting i make a conscious effort 2 b closer 2 it. I guess i need 2 face up 2 my fears. Ppl may tink dat d tings i do r irrational or stupid. but everyting has a reason n d reason y d tings i do is becoz i'm acting on my feelings. I juz 1 2 b true 2 my own feelings n not do sumting which is contradictory 2 how i feel. No matter how dumb my decisions might b, or d fact dat i might regret in future over d decisions i make based on my feelings, i'll learn fr my mistakes n pick myself up. life stil goes on. mayb i need 2 fall b4 learning how 2 pick myself up n i need 2 learn it d hard way. i 1der wat my purpose in life is. i'm trying 2 make sense of d meaning in life thgh til now i'm stil all muddled. I understand dat althgh i might ve a harder time than sum in life, it doesn't mean dat i don't marvel or c d gd tings in life. Simple tings like seeing a mother n her young son holding hands, d amazing beauty in flowers n d clouds which color d sky make me thankful 2 b living. on d other hand, I'm not afraid of death 2 coz i believe every1 will need 2 leave this world 1 day, n it's just a matter of d time. If i've 2 die, i hope i'll b at peace wif myself n ve learnt all dat i 1ed 2 no so i'll not die wifout regrets. i believe every1 has a purpose in their life n no matter how others might tink dat sum ppl r useless, they will realise d truth 1 day. For instance, some people tink dat intellectually disabled persons r useless, but in my opinion, I tink dat they r v valuable coz they teach us 2 b happy coz they tend 2 ve a happy disposition n d progress they make fr being totally reliant fr ppl 2 independence thgh slow makes us more appreciative of life. Every 1's life is a miracle coz d process of conception is not s ez s it seems. timing plays an impt role in conception.

I believe dat even murderers n cruel ppl ve a conscience n some gd in their heart, jus dat they might b buried so deeply dat they cldn't bring out dat aspect. Ppl r gd by nature n d "bad ppl" cld b blinded by their motivations 2 do d tings they shldn't which may hurt others. judging n condemning them do not exonerate us fr our wrongs. sumtimes when i look at sum ppl ard me, they seem 2 exhibit characteristics which r worse than d so called bad ppl. Backstabbing, cruelty, unkindness n selfishness in our everyday life, we r not s gd s we tink we r. If only we can love one another n treat every1 wif kindness n sincerity, dis world will b a 1derful place 2 live in n every1 will b happy. I guess humans r probably 1 of d only few species who will hurt n sumtimes kill their own kind n this doesn't make sense. But i suppose sumtimes d motivations of greed, revenge, hate n envy can b 2 strong n ppl r unable 2 express d gd in them. At times i'm 2 optimistic n naive abt ppl but at other times my cynical side will surface. it can b difficult 2 reconcile the conflict between d two. I juz hope i don't bcome disillusioned s time passes...

imlost...
inafairytale