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~LyRiCaL sTaR~
Name:SnOw
Age:23
email:obsessedwithblue@hotmail.com (for msn and friendster)
Birthday:07 Nov 1983
Horoscope:Scorpio
Lurves
Darling Ryan
People who care esp my besties, gd pals, bro
being different
dreaming
Hates
Deceit
Broken promises
Hopes for
Happiness
I'll be with my darling for a lifetime
Darling will enjoy happiness, success and good health
bro and elisa get back together
happiness and good health for my family and friends
being able to smile on my birthday this year
More tangible stuff
A 2B bike license
A better digital camera *greedy peeg >.<
Sony Ericsson k800i mobile phone
Good grades for school
Pass my Advanced I ballet exam next year (with flying colors not just a pass, gee i wished for a pass in my inter exam n i got just dat. Grr)
Reach my goal of 45kg (Y does it seem so far away? Haiz.. Lack of self-ctrl.. I'll sell my soul just to be thin)
Saturday, April 15, 2006
2:34 PM
~I stopped living the moment you said goodbye~
I know how hard it is to mask your feelings. I'm reluctant but I have to do it. My life is not going to be happier just because you think it will be so. It'll appear to be happier just because I'll create a facade for everyone to see. I just want to apologise to most of my friends in advance because I no longer want to hold on to you for support anymore. I'm sorry. Please let me walk alone in this journey because I'm sick of the old whiny and pathetic me.
I don't want to burst into tears just because I'm trying so hard to suppress what I'm really feeling and someone exposes me as a fraud. At least let me preserve that little shred of dignity I've in appearing to be strong. I'm not good at pretences. Just give me a break from everyone and everything. Don't worry that I'll do something drastic. I won't. I'm already dead emotionally and spiritually though my physical body functions as if I'm still living. I don't want to talk about anything that's going on in my life anymore to anyone. If i reject your concern, it's nothing personal. I just choose to be alone. I don't know how long i can continue to behave as if everything is normal in front of the people who live with me and are closest and dearest to me. Just don't point out how futile my attempts are to conceal what I'm feeling inside. I'll feel better blocking everyone out through this wall I've built between myself and the rest of the world. I still love everyone who knows me. I'm sorry for my selfishness because it's painful and hard to try and understand and feel what everyone is feeling all the time. The emotional scars hurt every time the wounds are forced open whenever you empathise with people. You never know how difficult it is because you are not me.
I hate myself for being vulnerable. I always do. I don't know what love is anymore. Don't tell me things which will give me false hope as I won't believe anyone anymore. I'm tired of clinging on to false beliefs and lies which lift my spirits up for a while and then bring me crashing down to the horrid truth and reality. This feels worse than telling you outright the truth. Don't tell me that I mean anything to you because it doesn't matter anymore to me. I don't deserve any sympathy and love from anyone be it from family, friends or lover. I hate my very existence which holds no purpose or meaning and yet I'm forced to keep on living. All I wish for is just that time will pass quickly so my death is accelerated. that's the only thing I ask for. I hate that never ceasing pain in my heart..
imlost...
inafairytale
